Tip-toe.

I know that this is true: I care too strongly for things that I should have let go a very long time ago.

Weeks can go by and these crazy emotions will become dormant. But, one tiny thing can set me off and they will consume me all over again. It's a vicious, heart-stopping cycle that twists me around the invisible and blurry-coded lines.

What to do is always obvious, no matter the prick starting it. But how to do it is a whole different matter.

It's like I can feel that I have become two different people. I stretch and run, and push myself to fall back in line, back into myself. I throw myself through the days with little sleep and athletics. I don't stray from routine and do everything to make sure my husband doesn't get the short end of the stick.  It's exhausting, physically and mentally.

This sounds insane, I know. I should probably give up on trying to explain my craziness.

Tomorrow, I will be me again. Celebrating birthdays and babies with a glass of wine, hugs and kisses (from the best hugger ever) and relishing in the weekend reprieve.

Birthday wish.

Birthday wish:

Show up in a banana suit. You have two months to get one.

Serious.

(Last year's banana party.)

They still hold hands.

I wish that I would have gotten a picture of this.

For all the "he makes me the bad guy" or "nothing makes her happy" kind of embellishments that I hear my parents say, there is nothing sweeter than what I witnessed between them a few weeks ago.

My parents were visiting because I was hosting a baby shower for a friend, and towards the end of the afternoon they disappeared.  The rest of us went on with cleaning up, making evening plans and chatting about how perfectly well the day had gone. When I realized that my parents hadn't been around for awhile, I went searching.

And there they were -- sitting on the couch in the den, side-by-side, holding hands in the dark and watching Message in a Bottle or Tin Cup (or something like that).

The sense of serenity almost brought me to tears as it settled over the room. I will never forget their image that day, nor what it's brought me since.

Kid-friendly, uterus not approved, yet.

Babies-R-Everywhere -- except in my uterus.

My entire Facebook feed has developed compulsive-baby-pic-fever, posted by my baby-obsessed friends. It is most definitely kid-friendly.

Heck, every other day I tell my husband that I want a baby, or I jokingly say, "Maybe I'm pregnant today." 

And on the other days, I tell him that I'm too scared and he should maintain control.

The best of babies have been holding me over.

I've been obsessed with my niece Hannah, now almost eight months old. I miss her all the time (its been 3 weeks) and post my own crazy Auntie pics.

And, we have just been asked to be godparents to our best friends' baby girl, Natalie, and are dying to meet her. I can't wait to be enamored with her, hook her little fingers over mine and smother her with smooches.

Furthermore, I have received the most wonderfully exciting baby news that I can't wait to share...(ominous, I know.) 

See - babies ARE everywhere.

It's a wonderful, magical thing -- babies in the uterus (it's actually a great example of cause and effect).  

I'll get there. We'll create our own little cause and effect soon enough.