January 19, 2014

Macklin #babymack

When you spend 40 weeks planning, surviving, loving and daydreaming about your child, you know what you are asking for and have an idea about what to expect. However, no amount of any of these things can really prepare you for how bad it can feel at times.

When you have only slept for an hour and can't figure out how to calm your crying baby, or get them to eat, or hardly get past your pain after a major surgery, are questioning your ability and adequacy to do this...

But, then you stare into his eyes and at his little lips, and kiss his tiny little fingers, and hear and feel him calming against your heartbeat, you know that you can figure it out together...and nothing could feel better.

Macklin William O'Loughlin
12/19/13 @ 07:59
I thank God for my mother and amazing husband for helping me through. As Macklin and I struggled through his feedings and my pain, my mom sat beside me wiping my tears and softly giving encouragement and advice. Ryan knelt in front of us to help keep Mack and I both calm and able to keep trying.

Through those tears I felt so much love, humility, adoration, and a million other emotions that I could never explain.

And then, just when I thought that I would never be able to sleep in bed again or get off the couch, I was pumping breast milk and flipping pancakes at the same time. Hellz yes you read that correctly, I became a true multi-tasking mother and my abilities are growing every day. True pride and accomplishment.

That was the first two weeks, and here we are, Macklin's one-month birthday and I can't believe how much we have learned about one another. His snuggles are the best and nothing feels better than kissing the top of his head and smelling his baby scent as he sleeps on my chest. The up and down of his little body as he breathes and the little squeaks that escape his resting lips will forever melt my heart.

Now, if he would just begin to like having his diaper changed or give us a steady four hours of sleep at night...