Holy baby.

Big news, I've been overtaken by a precious little life-sucker, so its been really hard to write without sharing!

We found out in May that we were pregnant while on our Florida vacation! After a few too many nights involving wine, vodka, beer and shots of Jameson, I just knew that we had to make sure I was in the clear.
We grabbed a pizza and a 3-pack of pee sticks. I poured a glass a wine and drank it slowly before hiding in the bathroom with the tell-all box.

Each pee stick revealed the same result. Positively pregnant.

I freaked...and Ryan laughed hysterically.

I was so confused by my reaction, but incredibly happy about his. After all, I had my 30th birthday party and a girls trip to Nashville when we got home from Florida, and things were going to go a bit differently than planned.

And then I saw our little baby's heart beating. The overwhelming sense of protection and love that washes over you, easily overtakes you. The shock lasts for quite awhile -- I still look in the mirror after four months and say, "I can't believe I have a little baby growing in there."

Literally until week 12, I was so sick to my stomach, lethargic beyond comprehension and an emotional basket case. I was scared about our future and the drastic changes coming into my life, our lives. I couldn't imagine giving up my competitive hobbies or our quiet time in the evenings.  Not to mention, the weight battle that I've struggled with my whole life that was finally getting somewhere... but all that was put on hold as incubation took over.

I am now the lifeline for a little miracle and my life is no longer my own.

I don't have control over the sleepy-ness -- it's almost like narcolepsy -- and it feels so very good to climb into bed. Which is already my favorite place to be, other than the football fields on a Saturday.

I went through some extreme guilt over dealing, or rather not being able to deal, with my wifely and household duties. I mean, I've cooked dinner maybe five times since May and if you know me, I plan dinners daily. I like to take care of my husband who works his butt off and always takes on extra work, he deserves to have a good meal at the end of the day. That's just one example.

But, I also just had a hard time coping with the loneliness of pregnancy. I say "loneliness" because while there are plenty of friends that have had babies, the roller coaster is all your own. Every time I didn't feel good, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone because no one can really sympathize or understand. I have too many obligations to my sports teams, or work, or my husband that the guilt weighed heavily. Ryan felt like every time he finally came home he had always missed his moment with me...and he did. And I felt the guilt every time he would walk in the door and I was on my way to bed.

Through these things and more, I was still in awe that I had this little tiny human, created with so much passion and love, growing inside me every day. It really is such a beautiful thing.

My doc said it best at the time, "it's really all about survival in the beginning." And how true that was and it really made me feel better.

And, how much that guilt has lifted into excitement.

Our BABY BOY is already bigger than average and I seem to be doing a good job at protecting him so far. It does wonders to hear that I'm doing a good job, and to talk to my sister every day who is so much closer to delivery day than I! Thankful, is an understatement.

Ry and I have turned into this next chapter with googly eyes and smiles, and it feels amazing.